Spanish.
It's supposed to be about Spanish....
....
So I just sat down to study Spanish. Its a remarkably beautiful day. Perfect summer dress with a light sweater weather. Sun shinning just enough to warm you when you are sitting sill, also providing the right circumstances for sunglasses, an excellent excuse to hide your face away from the world.
So, I just sat down on my balcony to study Spanish. This time I was able to open the book without hyperventilating... unfortunately, I couldn't make myself look at it. The ocean! Its so beautiful! And it goes on forever.... maybe if I look hard enough, for a long enough time, I could see to the end....
In short, I have a lot of anxiety about learning Spanish. On my second day in Chile, after my first Spanish class, I went out to the host fam's patio, books, index cards, notebooks, and colored pens in hand, and I set out to learn Spanish. After about 2 hours of diligent studying, I looked at the mess in front of me and for some reason, at that moment the largeness of what a language is struck me. I don't know why it never occurred to me before that moment, but a language is a LOT of information. How was I ever going to break that up onto index cards? How was I ever going to be able to find, or even afford, that many index cards?
Oh no.
Sitting down to study has been an issue for me ever since. I've taken to Spanish language pod casts and CNN Espanol as my main sources of Spanish... stuff, but its not enough. I'm going to have to open a book and actually look at it at some point if I want to learn this language.
Oh no.
Sometimes I think that I would be better off just studying English. I don't even know all of English yet! And its my native language! And I'm teaching it!
Oh no.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
Ok. I'm going back to the balcony, where I can see the pages of my Spanish books gently fluttering in the wind, beckoning me to actually look at them.... or is this a trap? Could a Spanish book possibly eat a person alive?!?
Strangely, despite my irrational fear of being eaten by a language book, my Spanish is somehow slowly getting better. This puzzles me, as I don't really have to use Spanish much (or at all) in my daily life. I teach English, live with an English speaker and have English speaking friends....
Last night, Julie and I were sitting around and chatting per usual with the TV on mute. I realized at one point that I was reading the subtitles and understanding everything that was going on. How is that possible? Despite my fears, somehow Spanish is filtering in through my apparently penetrable psyche. For some reason this worries me, that something could sink in and become part of me without me knowing, without me trying. At least in this case, its something I want.
So in summary, I want to learn Spanish without opening a book, but it bothers me that it is entering my mind without me specifically putting it there. I should be medicated for this.
Right, this time, I'm really going back to my books.
Besos,
Allie
6 comments:
I am going to bring my "pack of verbs" to show you. It is the demon in my purse.
Essentially this post is: you want Spanish to happen to you sin effort, which is happening, which frightens you due to larger implications.
I am thrilled when I accidentally learn Spanish....
Ergo, am I doomed to join the next fascist movement?
exactly!
I read the news every morning in Spanish, I find that helps a lot. It's interesting and the language is much easier to understand than novels, which are more complicated because they try to vary the language. Newspapers just give you the facts so the language is quite straight forward. I use news.google.com and switch to Spanish mode (there's a dropdown box at the top of the page).
I find if I read for an hour in Spanish in the morning I can talk much more fluently for the rest of the day - I actually mouth the words as I'm reading to practice pronunciation. Looks a bit like a fish breathing but it works :)
(I don't know about the other two readers but I'm still reading your blog even after the previous post!)
It's so cool that you're learning by osmosis - that's what you're there for! That and to verify that there is an underside to the planet I suppose.
Beagle bezos,
Aaron
Hey Traveling Spanish Learner, thanks for the tip! Unfortunately, I´m living in a place without internet right now, which makes news reading of any kind a bit more challenging. This should change in July, and I´ll be sure to check out the google Spanish thing. Thanks!
Aaron, I´m glad that you are still reading. Send your beagles and sunny summer Seattle my love. Mwa!
I just took a test on por and para.
I thought I had done relatively well.
Turns out I know less than I thought. That is so much more frightening, learning and realizing you still haven't learned anything. GAH!
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